This post is a life lesson post. Reader Discretion is Advised. I will share with you some of the things to NOT do. Honestly I am pretty sure only I could do or make some of these mistakes, but I am sharing with you just in case you are as careless as I am sometimes.

Life Lesson #1: If you have muscle pain in your upper thigh, a good massage can do wonders. Even a self massage. If you have another person to give you an upper thigh massage, all the better. However if you are wifeless or still stuck on 1st base like I was at the time, then a self massage on the upper thigh will have to do. I was in this situation at one time, I had pulled a muscle and needed some relief. I got myself some Icy Hot Cream and applied it to my thigh, it felt glorious, and took away the pain. However when applying this miracle cream I must have accidentally brushed against my boys (yes them boys) for they too begin to enjoy the self medicating action of Icy Hot. What first felt like a cool breeze on a summer day turned into an all out fire storm of hell and furry! Sweet Mother of Goat Fur the pain that flooded through them was something of an unholy nature! I ran for the sink I dropped my pajama pants and I jumped up on the bathroom counter top and I started splashing water as best as I could to put out the Dante’s Inferno that was lighting me on fire from the inside out! There was no relief in sight I screamed, and cried, and begged for mercy. For 30 plus minutes I endured torture, like piranhas and hot sauce eating and melting them away forever. Alas but they were OK, and the coolness came back, and the tears dried up, and I spoke into the phone and I told Jackie I would have to call her back. (Ohh I forgot to mention, she was on the phone with me and this was one of our first phone conversations, its a wonder she married me.) So ever since then I have not used the icy hot product, it scares and I stay away from it.

Life lesson #2: Hemorrhoid Cream is not exactly the same as athletes foot cream. One afternoon I came home from school and told my mom my feet were itchy and she informed my I possibly had some sort of athletes foot. There was cream down in dads bathroom drawer and I should use it. So I go into his drawer and pull out the first tube of cream I see. It has a big fancy name on it, comes with a most excellent attachment device on it. This must be it. The attachment device screws on the top, and makes a long looking snout type thing, plus it has holes in the side for the cream to come out. I am thinking this is pure genius, as it must be for between the toes, you know, those hard to reach places. So I am sitting in the kitchen just going to town on my feet and toes with this tube of cream. My mom comes in and looks at me and says, “what on earth are you using that for?!” Me being completely clueless like I am go “what?” it was then, we sat down and had a heart to heart talk about hemorrhoids and fancy tops to tubes and how they are not meant to be stuck between ones toes. It was then I proceeded to the shower, and crawled up in the fetal position and cried and prayed for forgiveness for violating my feet in such a terrible way.

Life Lesson #3: Growing up I had bad acne, its true, this gorgous completion of mine was a mine field of puss and volcanoes. Eventually I was put on some hard hitting stuff called Accutane. I also had to be on birth control, it was that serious. It dried me up like a weed, and for 6 months it was torture, but it fixed the problem. Anyway before accutane, I tried everything, including a bottle of stuff called “sea breeze” this was like napalm for the face. It stung like the fury of a 1000 hornets, no pain no gain right? Well it has a very similar look of mouth wash. I would always leave it by the sink of course. One day my Dad goes to brush his teeth, and then I hear a screaming come from their like that of a small child. He comes out of there yelling with the bottle in his hand, “what is this!?” he says. I explained, he was not pleased. It left his mouth and lips blistered for a week. So never leave that stuff out by the bathroom sink. Actually just don’t buy it it does not work.

So there you have it. My life lessons that I have learned for you, so you do not have to make the same mistake. Trust me, its not worth it.

April wanted to help give me some filler for the week. She is doing her part to help me with nablopomo. She wanted me to think of 10 things I could not do without that begin with the letter M. Anyone else feel like this blog post is starting to sound like an episode of Sesame Street? Ok Here we go.

1. Monkeys: I need monkeys in my life. They are hilarious!!

2. M&M’s: I love M&M’s and I have recently inherited an M&M dispenser from Jackie! So come on by my desk and get some, if you don’t mind being badunka profiled that is.

3. Middle Name: If I did not have a middle name I would not have a middle initial, and I think its required for all forms you fill out. So that could be a problem.

4. Maple Syrup: It has to be 100%. I was raised on the imitation stuff, and now I am a snob thanks to Jackie.

5. Mothers: I am pretty sure if I didn’t have a mother, I would not be here.

6. Marriage: You have not lived until you have been married. BallNChain baby!

7. Milk: I love milk,  particularly banana milk, I think that’s the monkey in me coming out.

8. Mustard: With honey in it! I always get a side with my fries. Yum!

9. Mac Mini: I want one. I had one. I sold it. I want it again. I have issues.

and the big finish for #10, drum roll please!!!!…………

10. Mountain Goats!!: I totally got a goat in there. I was worried, but I pulled it off. Hahaa!!! I win.

In an upcoming blog I will talk about goats. I think I need a whole post just for goats. I will get working on that.

I consider myself a pretty tech savvy guy. I have managed to make a living at it. It brings in a steady paycheck and I can pay the bills. I also consider myself pretty smart when it comes to troubleshooting problems. I can tackle most any problem (not math) and come up with some sort of fix or solution for it. It has taken years to master this, and become efficient at it. I enjoy it, and am proud of this skill I have.

However, for some reason unknown to me I have been dealt the dummy gene when it comes to laundry. It drives Jackie CRAZY! I just can’t for the life of me do a load of laundry without screwing it up. I either wash something at the wrong temperature, put the detergent in at the wrong time, I mix up the colors, I don’t put the “special” undies in the “special” bag so they don’t get ripped to shreds! Same goes for the dryer, I dry to high, I dry to low, I shrink a shirt, you name it. I have done it. My latest accomplishment? Leaving a packet of kleenex in a pocket. I thought I was being so smart by washing all my work clothes and my favorite hoodie together. I would have a nice clean outfit ready to go in the morning. I stay up extra late so they are all done. Come 11:30 I am tired and ready to go to bed. I get my clothes out of the washer to put in the dryer, and this is what I find! ugh! It’s like a poodle exploded in my washing machine! I take my hoodie out and shake it, and poof! the poodle just exploded in my laundry room. Tissue everywhere. I can hear Jackie’s voice in my head, “you should have checked your pockets”. As usual, she would be right. I should have. I thought about it even, but that didn’t help me now. How is it so complicated? Its not like we have a fancy washer or dryer, it has 1 button, 1 freakin button! Ok and a dial. At best buy the other night I saw a washer dryer that had like a million buttons, and a LCD screen that probably called you on the cell phone or sends you an email to let you know the status of your “special undies” when they are on spin cycle, I bet they like that. Anyway here is my mess. I will just add it to my list….my long, long list.

There will be two versions of this story….I promised Jenn I would not read her version until I wrote my version. This could be very interesting.

Friday night my sister told everyone she had a hot date with her brother, I was alarmed at this because I didn’t know we had a brother. She cleared up my confusion, she is sweet, thanks Jenn. We had a big night planned, so I am going to take you through our evening. You should know that Jenn and I have a unique relationship. We “get” each other. We find the simplest things extremely funny. This can turn into some very interesting situations and strange looks from outside people. The first order of business was to go see the new James Bond which was really good. I am a cheap date and refuse to buy anything at a movie theater, she on the other hand bought a plate of nachos and a coke. She put an extra straw in the cup so we could share, again so sweet. After my first sip I informed her that to cut down on any confusion as to who’s straw was who’s, that I went ahead and spit in my straw. Smart right?! Also the nachos were completely smothered in cheese, so much so that there was not enough chips to soak up all the cheese! I could not in good conscience let all that cheese go to waste. So I start scooping with my fingers and shoveling it into my mouth, I have no shame. Jenn with a mortified look on her face says “your not going to wait until the lights go out?” With a big grin on my face and cheese on my chin…..I say “uhhh noooo” then I look to my right and see a lady from my HR Department who I work with, and her preacher husband. I thought the blue croc fiasco was bad…..now add a cheese covered technician to the mix, who is at the movies with a woman who is not his wife, sharing nachos and coke. Doh!

We then moved on to Kohls and Best Buy to find a gps system. Can you believe we went to both stores and could not find one? Seriously, its like we needed a GPS to find a GPS. We gave up and moved on. After that we went to American Deli to eat a baby lamb. Nothing like eating a small baby animal wrapped up in bread and lettuce while the wife is out of town. I have a secret love affair with fast food while she is out of town, sorry baby, I’m weak. And the baby animal was delicious. PETA can’t get too mad, it was served on Peta Bread. American Deli also puts this secret salt on their fries, I think its laced with crack. It is REALLY good. Jenn and I decided that the salt is made of dehydrated baby lamb tears, that have been crystallized and turned into magical salty goodness. We laughed until the entire restaurant was looking at us. If they only knew what they were eating.

I should point out that I was driving my awesome purple honda for our date. Bond aint got diddly on that. Its the ultimate date mobile, because with all the inside door handles broken I was forced to be a gentleman and open the door for my sister all night everywhere we went. As she was unable to. It was not until the end of the night when I went to drop her off at home that I realized I could just roll down her window and she could reach out the window and open her own door! Genius! So thinking she would think the same logic as me I roll down the window and look at her and say “ok, get out” She sits and looks at me like I am just crazy. She sits, and sits, and finally says “are you sure” I am all “yeah get out, goodnight” so she starts climbing out the window, like one of the Duke brothers! So there you have it, James Bond and Daisy Duke go on a date in a purple honda, eating creatures great and small. Good times. Love ya Jenn.

Jackie and I do this thing where on Sundays we try to rest. I mean God told us to. So we do our very best to get all work and chore related stuff done on Friday and Saturday. It is actually a great rule to live by. There have been countless times on Sunday were something will explode and need fixing. Like the sink over flowing causing the house to flood with the dishes piling over. I can just say “eh leave it till Monday because its Sunday, and God told me to rest.” I’m not going to argue with God. Like now for instance, I am totally not blogging today. I totally wrote this on Friday. If God caught me blogging on Sunday he might strike me down. It would be different if I was blogging in a month that was not napoblomo because that would be recreational. This month its work, and 16 posts in that’s a lot of blogs. Ok there are certain exceptions to the rule. Poopy diapers, they gotta be changed. Unless Desmond does not feel like making a solid, and skips a day, that’s a good Sunday. However that boy is regular….. God made it so, cant argue or complain about that. So there you have it, your Sunday blog fluff to hold me over until Monday.

Today is Danny’s birthday! He turns two today. As a special treat just for him, I will do a Limerick. I can’t believe he is two! It seems like yesterday he was 1. Ohh……he was 1 yesterday.

I know a wee boy named DB
he likes to chase dogs around the tree
soon he will be a big bro, to a sister we don’t know
OMG next year he will turn three!

Happy birthday big boy!

Sara tagged me which is great because I had nothing to blog about today, so I was very excited to have something easy to throw together, so thanks for that. Ok here is my tag answers. Enjoy!

4 Random Things I Like About My Significant Other

1 – The way she moves her butt when she dances.
2 – When she laughs, its the best ever.
3 – The Endless amount of love she has to give.
4 – She pushed out a Desmond!

4 Jobs I’ve Had

1 – Selling TV Guide on the streets in Ireland
2 – Sonic: I was fastest chili cheese footlong maker ever.
3 – Call Center Website Support: whats your donaim mane?
4 – System Specialist: whatever that means.

4 Movies I’ve Watched More Than Once

1 – Braveheart: (FREEEEDOM!!!!!!!)
2 – Star Wars: A New Hope (use the force Luke!)
3 – Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back (I am your Father…)
4 – Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (No more training do you require. Already know you, that which you need.)

4 TV Shows I Watch (I PICKED MORE THE 4)

1 – Smallville / 24
2 – Heroes / LOST
3 – House / BONES
4 – Terminator / Prison Break

4 Favorite Foods

1 – Pig: Bacon undercooked so its rubbery. Yum!
2 – Cow: Steak. Moo.
3 – Chicken: grilled or fried, boneless is best.
4 – Fish: Ever deep fry a salmon? I have.

4 Places I’d Like to Visit

1 – The ER if I was medically in trouble.
2 – A Coupon Factory.
3 – The toilet when I have to go real bad.
4 – Hogwarts, Cloud City or the North Pole to see Santa.

5 Things I’m Looking Forward to in the Coming Year

1 – Desmond Talking
2 – Desmond’s Birthday!
3 – Vacation with Jackie & Desmond!
4 – LOST & 24 coming back, w00t!
5 – Start writing a children’s book.

4 People I Tag

1 – April
2 – Johnathan
3 – Marcus
4 – Kate

My cube at work has an opening so I can see who is coming and going in and out of the office. I sit by the door, and I wanted to be aware of anyone that came in and out of the office. So I took the middle partition out. I couldn’t have anyone sneaking up on me as I work hard on my blog ahem…the servers to make sure they are running at full speed everyday. The thing is, when I see people walking by or in and out, all I am greeted with is either their crotch or butt. I have since been told by a wise badunkateer that the correct term is “badunkadunk”. My visual perspective is limited from my cube. I can’t see anyone below the knees or form the waist up.

It is very weird how well you get to know a person by their badunka. You also get to know their pants, and when they get new pants, or have not wore a certain pair in awhile. I call the regular pants in rotation “reruns” because I have seen them before and often. On special days I will see a new pair make an appearance! Makes me wonder what the special occasion is for the day. Sometimes like a week after pay day, a new pair will come walking by. I can still tell who it is though, some badunkas never change, except over time and hard work. A badunka could go either way really. So there you have it, a peak into my world of badunka identification. I guess you could call me a part time badunka profiler. I did not ask for this job, it just kind of walked in front of me.

p.s nablopomo is really making me grasp at straws here. I fear by day 30 I will be talking about turd sandwiches.

Last week I had the whole blog thing about cutting or not cutting my hair. The results are in and the vote was to not cut the hair. So I am going to cut it. I just do not know when. I may wait until the 1st of the year. Or I may try something new all together, who knows. Who really cares? It’s nablopomo and I am running out of stuff! So just roll with me a minute.

So a really funny thing came about from the hair post. My friend Sara from high school sends me an email with a picture attached. Apparently she is a bit of a pack rat, its OK Sara we all are even if we do not admit it. She had packed away in her little box of high school memories a lock of my hair from over 12 years ago when I first cut it. This made my day! Made a guy feel special, actually I think her keeping that lock was meant to be for this very blog post. So if you think about it, this post was 12 years in the making! Very impressive I think. Sara you have my permission to toss the hair now, it has served its purpose. I am also sure your husband is completely grossed out, and might have already tossed it. It’s OK Mike I understand. No hard feelings.

Also, to show she is not completely weird for keeping old stuff, I pulled out my memory box, and what do you know. I have just about every note Sara ever wrote me in high school. Sara I thought you might get a laugh our of seeing this. I will email you a few of them. I should put them all in the mail for you, so you can read them all. It is funny how we hold on to simple things like notes from friends, or locks of hair. Sara is on of my oldest friends. Friends come and go, but good friends stay in touch and we have done so since our glory days in high school. All thanks to blogs, twitters, AIM’s and e-mails. Thank you Internets.

Over two years ago we bought the big house with the big yard. It was part of the American Dream. We both had great jobs, the cars were paid off, we had little to no debt except for a mortgage. We found a new church, we were making new friends, we had time for ourselves when we wanted it. Life was good and on track. Then 19 months ago our world changed in the form of two pink lines. Those two pink lines pointed us in a new direction. We had some serious changes ahead of us. One of us was going to stay home to care for the new baby. This was always the case for us. Now we needed to figure out how to make that work. Jackie and I had a plan, but now had to make a new plan. That plan was to first get her schooling/job finished. Then we needed to sell the house. A beautiful house that was perfect to raise a family in. The huge private yard, the cul-de-sac. It was a tough pill to swallow. It was just going to be too expensive on one income. For months we chewed on it. We played with the numbers, it was too tight to risk. We finally stuck the sign in the yard. Now we had to wait. Wait for the right buyer at the right time, in a market that is just awful. God would provide is what we kept telling ourselves. God Will Provide….he has before he will again.

We have always landed on our feet. I have told Jackie this for years. I use to be a worrier. When I met Jackie I found someone who could worry more then me. I quickly realized we can’t both be worried together. We both needed to be warriors, we both needed each to balance the other one out. We found each other, we found Faith, and we found the right balance that got us through all our tough times. There were some dark days over the past few months with no end in sight, but I had to have faith that this time we would land on our feet again.

This past few months, and this past week have been some of the hardest times we have ever had to endure. We sold the house, we moved our belongings, our entire life, and we did it all with the help of God, family and friends. We have once again landed on our feet. We did all of the above for those two pink lines. Those two pink lines we now call Desmond. The sweet little boy we love with all our hearts. The one person we would do anything for, sacrifice everything for, because in the end, its not about the house, its not about the cars, or the two jobs with the nice income. Its about being, happy, healthy, and together. It has been a tough 19 months, but now we have reached our goal. Jackie can stay home with Desmond, and we can be together as a family, and I would do it all again tomorrow.

Jackie and Desmond, I love you both with every ounce of strength I have to give.
Greg.