The trouble with making a movie and setting it up for a sequel is you are then committed. Plus you have to make it better then the first one. This is where most sequels fail. Can it live up to the hype. I have to admit, this one was tougher to do. It was also a lot of fun. I hope you all have enjoyed it. So without further a do, I present “The Escape Part Two” Enjoy!

Between the ages of 5 and 9 I remember summer time as fun in the sun, and getting a tan! I would brown really nice. I never burned. I would just get this really nice looking brown tan all over my body, and people were jealous. Everyone would admire my beautiful tan, I looked like a little foreign boy from spain or somewhere tropical. You may not think anything of that, but for a little Irish boy, this was a big deal. At least it was a big deal to all the grown ups around me, because most everyone in Ireland is pale white, and when there is a heat wave and the sun is shining (which is not often!), they fry like lobsters. So for me to tan and not burn, I was a super hero among my Irish counterparts. I was an elite.

Ohh but like every superhero I had a weakness, or a vulnerable spot you might say. That spot was my buttocks. It was as white as snow. So when I tanned, my glory was short lived when my mother thought it was the greatest thing ever to show everyone my buttocks, to compare my tanned back to my bright white untanned butt cheeks. She would yell with excitement to her friends or whoever was around, “look at this boys beautiful tan, and see how his little cheeks are snow white….isn’t it glorious!” she would say. Every time we met someone she knew (or didn’t know, it didn’t matter! I dreaded being called over….because as soon as I got within arms distance of her, she grabbed me threw me over her knees and down came my pants, and behold there was a beacon of light shining as bright as the moon, that moon was full, that moon was my butt.

Earlier I posted photos of Desmond, because I just thought they were so cute, but Jackie suggested I pull them down….and I agreed, I was not thinking, but then I got to thinking, and the above entry is what came of it. So Bonus for that. For those that got to see his cute little butt, congrats! (I know who you are!) it is chubby and beautiful. :)

9am-11am: I had grand ideas of my first day at home as a Part Time Stay at Home Dad (SAHD). I was going to get up around 9am stay in my PJ’s. Feed Desmond, watch some of “The View” I wanted to embrace my new role, and what better way than to watch “The View” to get my perspective on all things “womanly”. Because we all know Barbara Walters and Whoppi are in touch with all that, but as soon as Ms. Walters started talking about her “what nots” and Whoppi about her “do whats!” I freaked out and covered Desmond’s ears and eyes, and flipped it to Elmo. God Bless you Elmo, thank you for saving me and my child’s life from a tramatic experience that would have cost myself and Desmond years of thearpy.

11am-12pm: Having a house on the market is tricky. Once you get seated and situated you get the call and are told “get out of the house now! Ohh and before you get out, clean it from top to bottom, you have 1 hour”. Like Jack Bauer from 24 I was scrambling like a mad man with the clock ticking in the corner. Luckly I had my mother in law as back up, she was like Chloe O’Brian hacking the subnet and sweeping things under the carpet. Once the clock reached zero I carted Desmond and my two dogs in a car that has no A/C in 99 degree temperatures to the safe house to kill 2 hours, so far this was in no way a day off. I was sweating by 11am and I don’t sweat. Desmond loved every bit of it. That boy loves adventure.

12pm-2pm: Finally getting home after the house showing it was time to mess the house up. Out comes the Jumperoo and swinging chair and play mat. Desmond requires time in each, its a full cardiac workout. He needs to burn some fat to work off them Chankles he is sporting, that little tubby monkey.

2pm-2:33pm: Nap time, he finally takes a nap, I am exhausted. It’s time to follow his lead and do the same. I drift off and dream of milk bottles and diapers. When I awake I am fully NOT rested. Desmond is ready for round two of Jumperoo. That boy is a jumping fool.

2:33pm-4pm: Jackie is on her way home, sweet relief because I have to pee! Why oh why did I not pee between 2pm and 2:33pm? Jack Bauer has this same problem. Such a rookie mistake. I need to regroup and take a new plan of action. Operation SAHD is in full effect. God bless you SAHM’s out there. You do an incredible job each day and every day. I am such a n00b, your wisdom is appreciated.

-=warning, the following post contains graphic material, viewer discretion is advised=-

When I was a kid, I had sinus issues, the doctors said it was “over active” so use your imagination, let it run wild for a minute. I would use my over active sinus in emergency situations only. I am sharing this information for educational purposes only. Desmond, when you are old enough to read this, we will talk more.

So you might be wondering how I could possibly use my “over active sinus” problems to my advantage? Well as a kid growing up, I lived among my fair share of bullies. Actually there was a whole street of them, and I remember them all by name to this day. I have a list, and if I ever find their IP address so help them. Anyway, I am not much of a fighter, never have been. I have touched on that subject before in my “throwing punches” post. My Dad even signed me up for Kick-Boxing one time. I guess thinking maybe that would help me. The first night there I got punched so hard in the stomach I felt my mashed potatoes come up from dinner an hour earlier, and as much as we Irish love our spuds, they do not taste better the 2nd time around. I was then placed in a choke hold to make sure I did not throw them up, how considerate.

Most times I just ran. Like an Irish Forest Gump I ran! I ran like the wind. I could at least out run most of those boys. I had crazy reflexes too, I could turn and duck like a ninja. Sure a shirt might have been grabbed or ripped, but I always escaped. But then there was the time I was surrounded, there was no escape. I was in the middle of the street being closed in on, and everyone was watching, because Hogan was about to get a beat down….again.

The funny thing is I remember I had two “Digestive Biscuits” in my hand (cookies for u Americans). If you have ever had these you know they are dry and stick to your teeth and gum’s like a paste. They are meant to be dipped in hot tea, but only for a second, because it will break, fall off and turn our tea into a soggy mess! I was really happy to have these biscuits in my hand, they were not my favorite, but a treat no less from my mom who had just given them to me. I sure as heck was not letting them go to waste for a butt kicking. What happened next I have only shared with maybe two people in this whole world, I am about to reveal my act of pure desperation.

I was in an impossible situation, the following actions are justified. What was I to do? As my attackers closed in on me I shoved both of those digestive biscuits in my mouth (not recommended) I chewed them as best I could. I then took a deep breath blew as much air out my nose and mouth as I could possibly could blow and screamed bloody murder. What happened next was both hilarious and disturbing. Chewed up biscuit spew and flew everywhere, and from my nose came an unholy amount of over active sinus snot, I was like a human can of silly string from which there was no escape! I swung my head left to right to maximize damage and coverage. If I was going down, so was everyone else around me in a phlegm of glory. Boys were screaming for their mothers, little girls were crying for their fathers, parents were in complete shock and awe. When I opened my eyes I stood there alone on the street, everyone had ran away. THEY had ran away. I was victorious, and I………needed a tissue.

So there you have it, my shame, my victory, my complete respect for airborne mucus. I have been sick now for over a week with a sinus infection. It has brought back memories of my childhood. You all have been warned; do not mess with The Hogan when his sinus’s are over active, or I will unleash the flood.

Today is my Dad’s Birthday, his new name is pops, until Desmond makes his own version of that. Desmond and pops have not met yet officially. So we decided to make a little music video just for his Birthday. I think this will be the 1st of many new videos, because we had so much fun doing it. Even in all the madness, I can still find the time to make it look like I have too much time on my hands. :) Happy Birthday Dad, we love and miss you.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKAAt_KTWQ0[/youtube]

For those without youtube access here is a link. VIDEO

There is a known condition that has now been documented by doctors all over the world that people will hear or feel their cell phone ring even when they do not have it on them. I have experienced this known condition 1st hand. I am now however developing a new condition. I call it Phantom Poop Syndrome or PPS. Sometimes sitting at my desk at work, away from Desmond and all things diaper, I will get a whiff. Has anyone else experienced this as a new parent? And yes I washed my hands!

Being a parent involves a lot of trial and error, as someone who works in the IT world I am very familiar with troubleshooting and errors. Being a dad requires the use of those skills. Desmond seems to have trouble sleeping, its a hit or miss process. Some nights are great, some nights not so much. Danyelle recently informed us that he REALLY needs to burp! I knew the burp was important, just not how much. If I could not make him burp, I moved on. That was rookie mistake number one. So the last 24 hours he has slept a lot! Which has been great for us, it has given us some time to refresh and focus again. We have been working extra hard to make him burp. That leads me in to rookie mistake number two. Last night I wanted him to burp so bad that I have gave him a little squeeze. It made sense to me….he has a burp in there that wont come up, so a few good pats and a little squeeze will make that burp shoot right out! Well it did work, but what followed the burp I was not expecting. As he burped, a warm river of milk flowed down my back as he lay across my shoulder. This was no spit up as I have experience before. This was Desmond’s first puke up on Daddy. The circle is now complete, I have been peed, pooped, and puked on. I know that circle will just keep rotating as life goes on.

Valentines Day is here, and Desmond had his cute little outfit on last night that he got from his Mumeire, but he really was not up for taking pictures, so we did the best we could, as you can see he is very much asleep. Picture number two is fomthe other night and he shows off how he can prop himself up all by himself! Anyway we will get some more today. So Happy Valentines Day to all.

As you all know, I have had a major squirrel issue at my house, and have threated retaliation a number of times. Well this past week I have taken the law into my own hands. A friend from work let me borrow his BB Gun. I do not really like to hunt, I am just not the hunting type. However I am the type who likes to give a squirrel a good shot in the butt cheek with a 10 pump BB shot. Here are some things I have learned in the past few days.

1. These guys are tough! It is going to take a lot more then a BB to take them out for good.
2. At first they started out stupid, taking a hit, and then getting back up to look at me for another hit.
3. Now they are just way too smart, they scatter as soon as I walk out the back door, one sign of me and they are gone.
4. One always stays behind, he is their look out. He is much smarter and quicker then the rest of them. He also calls to the others over and over again, warning them of my multi-pump wrath. I call him Ninja Nut.
5. I am also learning to speak squirrel, soon I will be able to understand them, and break their code.
6. I must say I feel very Jack Bauer like as I creep around the back yard hiding behind trees and diving behind bushes with my BB Gun, may God help them if one ever gets captured, the interrogation process will make them loose the nuts. I did knock one unconscious for about 30 seconds, but that did not slow him down. I also knocked one off the fence as he was running along top if it, I felt like I was at the fair. Maybe now they will think twice about eating all my lawn furniture, flower pots, grill, sprinklers, maple tree’s and pvc piping.

So there you have it, I am not sure who is winning, but they understand now when they see me, all they see is pain.

This is the last day for secret santa, being as my person did not design a box I thought I would make it into a trailer for the giddy-up 9000 to haul his gifts in. It also symbolizes me having to drag him and picking up his slack ;)

Day 4

Now our time has come to an end
I hope you enjoyed the good time spent
I may not get your name next year
But whoever does will be filled with fear

Enjoy the gifts, they may have been weird
But that’s how I roll, no need to be skeerd
So giddy-up, I don’t mean to be rude
But it’s time to go, so Merry Christmas Dude

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Day 3

Hello Doug, it’s now day three!
Its hunting time, so find a tree
Grab your ammo and proceed real slow
This little rascal puts on a show

He is in your box, having a ball
Doing the Dew, coke, sprite and all
Now do not kill my little friend

As I have to take him home in the end
Stun him once with a rubber dart
But be real careful he likes to fart
So come this Thursday at the reveal
Return him back so he can heal.

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Day 2
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My person is a hunter, and they put down “Doe In Heat” as their favorite scent. So I made up my own version, with a poem of course.

Hello Doug, I am glad you survived
An avalanche can be a scary ride
I am sure it was cold underneath the snow
But I have a surprise, wouldn’t you know!

I read your list and was a bit confused
You listed a scent, so how could I refuse?
A Doe in Heat is hard to find
I hit on a few, but got antlered in the behind.

So Lift the cap and take a sniff
There is none like this special gift
It’s not the same, but just as neat
I call this scent “Texas Pete’s Dough in Heat”

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Day 1

Day 1.

Today I decorated my victims cubical with Christmas Cheer. I was able to place one of those annoying Christmas cards that plays jingle bells over and over again in the ceiling above the ceiling tiles, after 2 hours he finally found it, but he was about to loose it. I also filled all his desk drawers with packing peanuts, and over head compartment. Here is a little poem I left him for day 1.

Hello Doug, it is that time of year
It is time to spread some Christmas cheer
As you see I have come and gone
But left my mark to live on and on

I hope your heart can take the stress
Now that your cube is a Christmas mess
But as I said, it’s that time of year
To spread some good ole Holiday Fear!

The weather man said there’s a chance of snow
He said wear some gloves but what does he know!
Enjoy the gift, this rounds be fun
Day two is coming, you might want to run.

I love when an unplanned plan comes together, :)

(click pic to read text)

I call it The Giddy-Up 9000, your first question would be, does it have a Hemi? You bet your Christmas List it has a Hemi! The Giddy-Up 9000 is packed with pure power, sporting some Styrofoam rocket boosters, and a chrome spoiler, this little mean machines will get Santa from The North Pole to Middle GA in less then 10 sec flat (with a tail wind of course). It is also important to note it has real foil aluminum traction claws, not that cheap stuff you buy at Giant Foods. Built by Irish Elves, the quality is unmatched. The silver flames on the side give it a “Pimp Yo Ride” touch that not many people can pull off. So why did I build such an awesome machine? Well in 7 days it will be Secret Santa week at work, and we had to design a box for our gifts to be placed in. I will surly have the most tricked out box in the whole department. Plus as an added bonus that week, I will be pulling a number of pranks on my individual, so stay tuned. I have many treats in store.

P.s I think it is safe to say I have met the qualification’s for any school projects Chublinka brings up in the future.